The Royal We

Always be wary of the royal “we.”

I cannot count how many deadlines have slipped or how many post mortems have traced the problem back to this exact mistake. It shows up again and again in the “five whys,” and online communication only makes it worse.

The scene is familiar.

A problem surfaces. You and your team understand it. A few paths forward are clear. Now it is time to act. Maybe you are around a table, maybe you are in a chat room, but as the leader you see the steps that need to happen. Wanting to be collaborative and avoid unnecessary blame, you say:

“We need to do X, then Y, and Z should work.”

You pause, satisfied. You identified the issue, avoided finger pointing, and modeled calm leadership. Things happen. The goal is to adapt and move forward without making people defensive. That feels like good leadership.

Then you wake up the next day.

X never happened. Y never happened. Z is not working at all.

What the hell?

Everyone agreed on this. Don’t these people care?

What happened is simple. You used the royal “we” when you should not have.

When leaders say “we” in moments like this, they are usually doing two things at once. First, they are trying to create psychological safety. No public blame. No shaming. No singling anyone out before the facts are fully understood. That instinct is good.

Second, they are quietly acknowledging that the work itself is not something they plan to do personally.

You said “we,” but you meant “not me.”

Everyone else heard “someone else.”

Even if the responsibility is obvious. Even if the issue clearly traces back to Joe. Even if the entire meeting exists to fix Joe’s mistake. The moment you say “we should,” Joe’s internal monologue is often relief, not ownership. Thank god someone else is handling this now.

Hoping that someone will heroically assign the task to themselves is not leadership. If Joe were consistently capable of doing that, this conversation probably would not be happening.

The fix is unglamorous and effective.

Stop saying “we” when there is actual work to be done.

Take the extra few seconds to create a task and assign it to a specific person. Be clear about what success looks like and how it will be measured. Put it somewhere visible. Name it. Own the assignment.

This can feel awkward at first. It can feel bossy. It can feel less friendly than the abstract comfort of “we.”

In practice, teams almost always prefer clarity over ambiguity. A clear task is kinder than a vague expectation. Leadership is not about sounding collaborative. It is about making sure the right things actually happen.